Fight World Hunger

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

LBX update

Diesel prices increased by 23%, while premium petrol is 19%, the government indicates that this increment will be maintained throughout the rest of the year although a price hike will not be speculated for the year beginning 2007.

The KLCI was down 7.31 points on closing, or 0.79%, which had been expected as increasing fuel prices always have a negative impact. Indicating a positive correlation, public annoyance has increased 83% in response to the increase as prices of food, transportation and essential necessities will have to be incremented accordingly. Situation became desperate as motorists stopped today in a rush to extricate squid on the road from an overturned delivery truck for food, causing a 94% increase in traffic wait time but nourished the 8 motorists at 0% cost. Nearly 100% of the motorists caught in the traffic are unanimous in their decision that 98.4% of them were morons, the remaining 1.6% have donated to the World Food Programme at some point.

Workload has decreased by nearly half at 49.7% with the introduction of new staff, indicating a stress relief of approximately 78%, of which more time can be allocated for other projects and development of new and improved ideas. Project completion time are kept on schedule with minimal delays contributing to a 12% increase in work satisfaction.

Alcohol intake has also been reduced from nearly 95.6% daily during the Chinese New Year period to approximately 82% per session on a weekly basis, a 87% decrease in overall weekly consumption. These factors indicate an increase in healthy organ functions but contribute to a sharp decrease in overall mood. Banana intake has been increased by 73% citing fresh supplies from The People Next Door. C/S Ratio, or the Consumption/Supply Ratio is at 0.16 with plans for a minimum increase of Consumption by 200% to meet with market supply.

Overall market analysts indicates bullish yields, with overall personal happiness and productivity ratios at almost 1:1. Investors, however are still advised to read market reports before investing.