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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Advanced Freidaism

Freida is my other German Shepard. The naughtier, noisier coward of the two. She jumps, barks, howls for no reason and every reason, and yet is the most timid one. My sister calls her the Chicken, and that's not that far from the truth.

For some reason she can see into my office. I mean, yes, even though the glass is clear, with a slightly greenish tint, its difficult even for me to look inside the office during the day because of the reflection. But she can see me inside. If she's howling or barking and I look at her, she looks me back in the eye and a staring contest ensues, up to a point where either of us gives up (usually, her), and she'd just lie down and sleep.

But today, she stepped across the line into what I will have to categorize as Advanced Freidaism. She was jumping around and barking for no reason as usual (although when you think about it, its not that normal), I think it makes her happy, the whole jumping for joy bit. Perhaps she's one of those charismatic Christians or what, I don't know. Anyway she checks back on me every now and then to see if I'll give her 'the Stare', after which she'd stop and stare back and decide if she wants to challenge you in the Stare Game, or lie down and sleep, that is Basic Freidaism.

Advanced Freidaism means that she does her crazy bit, checks back on whether I'm staring at her, stops. Sits. Stares back at me for about 3 seconds, and LOOKS UP AT THE SKY. How ultimately shocking! Its like 'I really don't know what you mean, I didn't do anything. It wasn't me.'

Whatever it is, I didn't teach her that.

Monday, February 06, 2006

twisted meditation

I've stood up on this cliff, overlooking the plains,

experiencing firsthand the breeze, of what that will remain,

for quickly as it comes and leaves,

i break down, i'm on my knees.

what has happened, what went past?

the promises of christmas last,

for i am weakened, long ago,

there is no redemption for my soul.

what is vague and what is true,

what the hell did happen to you?

so many different sides of me,

but i only show the side you see.

i have such fun, i suffer more,

revenge will make me settle a score,

i am at battle, i am enraged,

the whole world has become a stage.

and then its quiet. there's not a sound,

a moment of silence all around,

eyes are closed, my breaths are deep,

meditation's just like sleep.

all these elements, i've shut it out,

no more blending in the crowd,

and once again i see me,

alas, the only side i want to see.

fun imposers

Relatively early, it was. It must have been 10pm or its whereabouts when I dozed off from all the nights that I had been deprived of it over the past week. I relished in deep slumber, its the most comfortable feeling in the world when suddenly the alarms went off.

The vibrations from the fireworks set it off. Poof. Boom. *sizzle* Poof. Boom.

Who the bloody hell is setting off fireworks at midnight? Aren't the authorities doing anything about it? What the hell is the occassion anyway? I have to bloody work in the morning!

The bright flares of light can be seen from outside the window. I thought. How pretty, and pretty annoying, at the same time. I thought about it a while, and decided that I hated fireworks. Fireworks, dangerous as it is, are set off by aspiring terrorists. And their goal is to impose fun on you. Its like in a party where you get this fellow who's trying to be a jackass so that people will look at him. The attention seeker, but you just want to smack him and ask him to get lost.

Maybe they should just call them Fun Imposers on the labels. Don't they have warning labels on those things anyway? Like 'Danger! Explosive material. Not to be used past midnight. May annoy some people. Might get you arrested. May cause limb dismemberment.' or something along those lines. And they want to put warning labels on cigarette packs.

Well I didn't sleep well after that, I was tossing and turning, and the only thing that's saving my day now is a huge pot of coffee that I've just finished. Usually it'll last me till about 5pm when I go off work. But today, I'm done, its 11.19am, and I'm only feeling normal.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Starting over

So much has happened over the Chinese New Year holidays, which prologued with an epic episode of a 15-hour marathon drinking session. What followed next were repeated visits to the local bars, an afternoon of Guinness at Chilis or tequila or whiskies. A succession of these drinking days either damages the liver, or strengthens it. I believe in the latter, to a point where my drinking episodes follow either one of two outcomes, fatigue, or bloatedness. So much for trying to get high.

But this holiday, particularly this year seemed aptly well spent. Prior to the holidays I wanted to maximize my time by doing absolutely productive things, do a little carpentry, get a little work done, get my table organized, clear my backlog of work, that sort of thing. In fact I even put all these things in my PDA and they've all been blinking with reminders throughout the holidays. I turn a blind eye and seriously just enjoy myself.

Enjoying oneself is a very subtle addiction. Its like the sweet smell of vanilla or the intoxicating scent of juniper, you can't seem to get enough of it. But its not a very obvious vice that you will consciously tell your brain at some point of time that you have to stop. If its subtle, it never really has to end.

But today signals the end of the holidays. Day after day of what seemed like a succession of Fridays and Saturdays forever, reality sets in and it really is Sunday. Its a Sunday evening. I've been dry for the past 2 days, not even a beer in my system. Am I proud of that? I don't really know. I just feel like a foreign visitor in my body that somehow exceeded his stay after his visa expired. Its a queer out of body experience. I look at the mirror now, and I wonder who that fellow is.

So what lies ahead for this new year? Chinese new year is the actual benchmark for the year, simply because its the period where all work stops. I love it when everyone just takes a break and has a good time. But some serious work is to be done. The rest of the year just became suddenly even more challenging. But of course, the first order of the day would be to get out of the holiday mood, put on a nice shirt, have a good shave, and bring on the mayhem.

Perhaps for once, I won't drink to that.