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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

nijuroku

Yes, today I turn 26. Seems like age caught up with me and I've fallen into the its-my-birthday-but-I-can't-care-less phase of my life. The same phase that pooh-poohs the birthday song and eventually the whole candle business and motions for another shot of Anejo 1800 tequila instead.

So what has changed in the last 2 years? Not much. I'm in a relatively similar spot I find myself after every year of hard work. Just that over the years I've built more and more things to surround myself in. It seems too, that I've grown accustomed to injuries and pain inflicted from the injuries. Just a few days ago I fell on my ribs and nanoseconds later on my left ankle climbing the temporary gate into my house. The pain from the twisted ankle was almost instantaneous. I could hardly stand up, but I had to get inside the house anyway so I climbed the other side of the gate. I guess its not necessarily the smartest thing to do once you're injured. My mom thought I should've went home. But I didn't think that climbing into the car to drive home in that state was a good idea, while calling for help on such trivialities might make it seem like I was a pansy.

So I went in, and only after realized that there was a bright red gash right at my left ribs. Oh man that really hurt more than the ankle, as is the case now. I guess a little pain does remind us all of who we are and how fragile life is. Things like that. It just seems more apparent when birthdays come up.

I'm happy to say that I'm taking life a lot easier right now, which might be misconstrued as laziness or complacency, but seriously, as long as I get my things done on time, and there are a lot of things, my resolution is that I:

a) Do not explain myself for any action or decision I make
b) Make calculated decisions so that every decision has a reason and it has went thru a selective process
c) Do not take criticism so seriously because everyone else is probably wrong anyway.

I think for me thats the guidelines that I live with that seems to have served me well. I'm happier, more confident, and my performance is glitch free. Just that at 26 a lot of people would think oh what a big time dictator this guy is. I just reached my saturation point of trying to make everyone happy, and I'm not going to explain to everyone that I'm actually not angry, I'm just indifferent. Just like my fall the other day. I can blame a lot of people for not fixing the gate on time or the poor construction of the temporary gate, or my lack of skill in manouvreing the structure, but that just takes too much energy. I rather be indifferent, let the wounds heal, and get on with life.