Fight World Hunger

the answer to below-average internet content

Friday, November 26, 2004

If only there was a CSU

'All units on channel three-zero, this is your commander speaking, get ready to rock and roll.' Static. Out.

0423hrs. The air was dense early at dawn. The morning breeze added an unnerving chill factor. The men were ready, adrenalin pumping through their veins, awaiting drop-off and further instructions. Kevlar vests, neoprene gloves and their semi-auto rifles close to them for security. The cold steel of brushed gun metal a comforting piece of equipment. This was going to be just like all the other days, it was going to be fast, really fast, and then it will be done before they knew it. The choreography was like a synchronized dance, and they have perfected their moves. 'We ought to get medals for this,' he thought.

0428hrs. The doors of the carrier van swung open as they swiftly moved out and in place. Its funny how being covert meant that they had to emblazon CSU on their backs that stuck out like a deer in the middle of the expressway.

'Commander, the tracer is completed, we have locked on to the source location, we are sending the co-ordinates to your screen now.'

'I've got you now,' he murmured to himself.

'Gentlemen, our intel tells us that there are at least 5 personnel at the target location. We go in hard, we do it fast, just like every other time. Our orders are - shoot to kill. Let's get these sombitches!'

Fzzt. 'Unit two, proceed with caution, unidentified personnel three o'clock', 10 metres.'

The men lined up on both sides of the door. Rifles armed, ready to fire. They took a moment to compose themselves. Unit three lined the door with plastic explosives. One...two...three. Detonation and the door blasts open inwards.

'CSU! You are not going anywhere!' They opened fire the moment they stormed in, destroying computers and cabinets. Sparks flew, and some of the light fixtures exploded. The firing continued, short sharp screams, followed by gunfire, followed by silence.

0435hrs. In one of the hallways, a man took cover, and then fled. 'Sir, we got a runner. Runner at 9 o'clock, heading east of the building!'
'Take him down unit two, don't let him get away.' Fzzt.
Unit two gave chase, the runner was in his line of sight after about 50 metres, so he opened fire. The recoil of the semi automatic fought with the strength of his arms in an attempt to keep steady. Armor piercing bullets just tore through the runner, splatters of crimson red spewing forth from his abdomen as he collapsed.
'Sir, runner is down. Target is secure.'
'Good work unit two. All units, stand down, location is secure. Mission completed.'

Unit three walked up to unit two as he took off his mask and comms, perspiration beading from his forehead, hair soaked in a messed-up look. 'Can't let these buggers get away.'
'Damn straight. We gotta do what we gotta do.' 0443hrs.

Once again the Counter Spam Unit has completed another successful mission. Their objective is simple. Find the source of origin of all spam e-mails, and viruses, and eliminate the source through whatever means necessary. Only then will we be safe.

Because we don't need cheap prescription drugs, penile enlargements, or any reason to enter our bank info for 'verification' you bunch of sickos.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Dressing the part

'Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.' - Donald Trump

I decided to test out this theory about dressing up this week, so for most of you who have seen me during office hours or just simply working, you would've spotted me with at least a long sleeve shirt, tie and some nice pants. These are not necessarily very dressy items, nor are they over the top expensive, but it's a shift away from my regular mobile pant khakis, running shoes and a polo tee, or sometimes a t-shirt even, with the reasoning that I have a shirt and a jacket in the office for meetings, which are rarely used either.

So, how much really, does a fitting working shirt, a nice silk tie, italian fabric pants, and a pair of italian leather shoes, affect your image? Lots, that's what. Somehow dressing up changes your perception, professionalism, and outlook. Its material self enhancement through personal betterment and social perception.

For example yesterday I walked into a pathology clinic just to get a regular blood test, I was greeted, entertained, while the other people who came in were virtually ignored. That was pretty evident. Anyhow, I directed the attendant's attention to the one next in line, a, ahem, pretty cute girl, since I wasn't in a hurry, plus all she wanted were some quotes anyway. Nice shift of power, relish the moment.

On saturday however I will be going the other way, in my old jeans, an old t-shirt and a cap, perhaps, working in my workshop. Its funny how when you stink and when you're coated in sawdust even the people in the coffee shops ignore you. But its good to be able to switch roles without question, its a whole different level of understanding of how things work around here.