Fight World Hunger

the answer to below-average internet content

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Is it cold, or is it just me?

Throughout the entire duration of the Olympics I've only managed to catch a basketball game, part of a synchronized swimming act, and the finals for the volleyball game. Now that its over, I wished I had the time to watch more of it. The opening and closing ceremonies were always my favorite, especially the closings, I think, where you can really feel the whole sombre mood knowing that in a few hours it will all be over, not for another four years at least.

The strangest thing would be the synchoronized swimming though. Now this oddity started in Canada in the 1920s (insert favorite Canadian joke here), where points are awarded on difficulty level, execution, innovation, grace and lack of effort. Yes, you have to look like you aren't putting any effort into it, because if you look like you're struggling, no points for you!

Which explains the weird parts of synchronized swimming. Gelatin, and waterproof make-up. The gelatin keeps their hair in place, while the waterproof make-up ensures that they don't appear pale after holding your breath forever underwater.

What I don't understand is why they have to a) Grin like monkeys, and b) Walk like androids.

I never liked fake smiles, but it seems to be a regulation to be grinning ear to ear for the entire duration. That is not natural, and more than that, that is just plain scary. If you wanted a scary movie, you just need to put a couple of these synchronized swimmers in an old house and they'll just be chasing you around grinning, not saying anything.

In a way I think that's where I get freaked out, they remind me of clowns. Since they are smiling all the time, and you know that its fake, sometimes their lack of enthusiasm might be mistaken for evil. Its easy to give an evil smile, and its worse when you have a whole group of people doing the exact same thing. I can imagine them chanting, 'We are all a same brain, we think alike. Do not annoy us, we will kill you. You cannot stop us, if you kill us, and we will just spawn more. Give up now.'

That just gives me the chills, and its not even Winter Olympics yet.